“Where a man’s wound is, that’s where his genius will be.” Turning Pain into Men's Healing
- Stephen
- Oct 25
- 2 min read
Robert Bly, Iron John
At first glance, Bly’s words sound almost contradictory. How can pain, shame, or failure possibly hold the key to strength? Yet when you look closer, there’s a profound truth here: our wounds aren’t the end of us - they’re the doorway to our depth.
The Hidden Wounds Men Carry
Every man carries a wound of some kind. Sometimes it’s obvious - trauma, loss, betrayal, rejection. Other times, it’s hidden in the shadows: growing up with a father who was physically present but emotionally absent; being bullied for showing emotion; or feeling crushed under the weight of responsibility.
Many men I’ve worked with have spent years trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, or being the strong one for everyone else. Others had to grow up too soon and were never really allowed to be a boy.
The reality is that men are often taught to hide their pain - to “get on with it” and never show weakness and those wounds don’t just vanish. They sink beneath the surface, masked by long hours, addictive habits, or silence. Over time, they harden into armour that keeps men isolated and stuck.
The Gift Within the Wound
When Bly speaks of genius, he’s not talking about intellect or talent. He’s talking about the quiet wisdom that emerges when a man faces his wounds with honesty and courage.
A man who has lived through trauma learns to hold space for others’ pain without fear.
A man who has walked through grief becomes a steady presence for those in despair.
A man who has wrestled with shame develops the empathy that helps others feel seen.
A man who has known failure learns humility, resilience, and patience.
The genius isn’t separate from the wound - it’s born from it.
From Wound to Wisdom - Men's healing
Healing doesn’t happen by accident. The bridge between wound and wisdom requires courage - and support. For many men, it begins with slowing down, speaking honestly, or taking that first step into therapy or a men’s group.
In my own work, I’ve seen it happen time and again. A man burdened by trauma, burnout, or addiction begins to explore the pain he’s long avoided. Slowly, he finds clarity about what truly matters. The wound that once held him back becomes the very place his purpose begins to grow.
Standing Tall
If any of this resonates, maybe now is the time to start exploring. Whether that’s through therapy, a men’s circle, or a conversation with a trusted friend - every step you take towards your wound is a step towards your genius. That's men's healing
As Bly reminds us: “Where your wound is, that’s where your genius might just be waiting.”
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