Burnout Doesn’t Always Look Like Collapse:

Stephen
Aug 1
4 min read

A Personal Reflection for Men

This is the second in a series of articles where I invite you to reflect on questions I’ve posed and answered myself - and which I also often hear from the men I work with.

“I thought I was just tired…”

That’s how it started for me.

I told myself it was just a busy time of year. I’d get through it. Once the holidays came, I’d rest, recharge, and be fine.

But the tiredness didn’t lift. I was waking up exhausted, dreading the day ahead. I wasn’t sleeping. I lost interest in the things that usually brought me joy - especially being outdoors. I was irritable and numb, like I was wading through thick mud. Even simple tasks started to feel overwhelming. I wasn’t living – just surviving.

Then came the moment that changed everything: standing in a supermarket aisle, staring at a block of butter, unable to remember whether I needed salted or unsalted. I froze. I felt the tears welling up and knew deep down - this wasn’t just tiredness.

Later that day, my GP confirmed it:

“You’re burnt out. Something has to change.”

When the Pattern Repeats

If I’m being honest, that wasn’t the only time I burnt out. It was just the first time I admitted it.

A man sat on a leather sofa with his head in his hands completely burnt out. — Photo by Nic Shuliahin on Unsplash

I left that job and started my own business, thinking a new environment would fix things. But the mindset hadn’t changed: I still believed I had to prove myself. I thought purpose could be found through busyness.

When setbacks came, I didn’t slow down - I doubled down. Eventually, I built something I was proud of. But when things outside of my control caused it to fall apart, I burnt out again.

And still, I didn’t learn. I launched another business - this time more values-led and mission-driven. It gained traction and even received international recognition and awards. But once again, it took someone else to name what I couldn’t:

“You’re burnt out. You need to let go - for your health, and for your family.”

What Helped Me Break the Cycle?

Ironically, it was Covid that brought the shift. I was forced to stop. For the first time in years, I had space, and in that space, something important happened: I listened.

To my body.
To my needs.
To what really mattered.

I walked more - with no agenda or destination. I listened to podcasts, joined online men’s groups, and admitted out loud:

“I’m struggling.”

Eventually, I retrained as a therapist. But first, I had to do the work on myself - facing the patterns and pain I’d been avoiding. That was the beginning of real change.

Because something powerful happens when you stop pushing and start asking:

What actually feeds my soul?
What do I need right now?

What Does Burnout Look Like for Men?

It’s not always tears or collapse. More often, it looks like:

Irritability
Disconnection
A sense of always being ‘on’
A growing emptiness, even when things look fine on the outside

For many men, it begins with working harder - and ends in emotional shutdown. There’s often shame in even recognising it:

“I can’t afford to stop.”

“I should be able to handle this.”

“Other people have it worse.”

But here’s the truth: burnout doesn’t care how strong, capable, or successful you are. In fact, the more responsibility you carry, the more vulnerable you are.

Why This Matters Right Now

Burnout is rising across the board. But in male-dominated fields - like construction, tech, medicine, finance, and law - it’s especially alarming.

Men in leadership often carry a silent burden. The pressure to be in control, to never falter, to lead from the front - all of this makes it incredibly difficult to say: “I’m not okay.”

And the truth is, we don’t really know the full scale of male burnout - because it so often goes unspoken and unreported.

But it’s there. And if you’re feeling it, you’re not weak. You’re human.

What I See in the Men I Work With

I meet men who are:

Carrying too much, for too long, without pause
Unable to switch off – even at weekends
Hitting goals, but feeling empty
Smiling on the outside, but breaking inside

They’re not failures. They’re exhausted.

So, What Can You Do?

Hands - men reaching out in support — Photo by Youssef Naddam on Unsplash

If this feels familiar, here are some first steps that might help:

Pause and check in – even just for 10 minutes. Ask: How am I feeling in my body right now?
Talk to someone – someone who won’t jump in with fixes, but will actually hear you.
Reconnect with what grounds you – walking outdoors, breathing deeply, time away from screens.
Challenge the belief that stopping is weakness.In reality, stopping is strength. It’s how we recalibrate.