When Self-Limiting Beliefs Try To Keep You Small

Why doubt shows up when something matters – and how men can move through it.

Self-limiting beliefs - we all have them. The difference is how much power we give them.

For the last month, I’ve been wrestling with something many men experience in silence: that small, persistent voice that tells you to stay where you are, avoid risk, and keep your head down. These beliefs show up strongest when we’re stepping into something meaningful. Recently, they’ve certainly been showing up for me.

Why Self-Limiting Beliefs Hit Harder During Change

If we understand the brain as a problem-solving and threat-detection machine, self-doubt starts to make more sense. When we face a challenge, the mind automatically searches for old experiences:

• How have I responded to this before?

• What kept me safe last time?

• What have I done that “worked”, even if it wasn’t healthy?

Remember: “kept me safe” doesn’t always mean “helpful”. It just means familiar.

For me, these beliefs surfaced strongly as I began the process of setting up a Community Interest Company – Stand Tall CIC.

I knew the mission. I knew the model. I knew the why. I had proof of concept and strong support around me. It aligned with my values and felt right.

And yet… the voice still came.

The Beliefs That Tried To Hold Me Back

Whenever someone questioned the idea or when something didn’t go smoothly, my brain didn’t lean into drive or problem-solving. It dropped straight into threat, and the familiar messages arrived:

• “You don’t deserve to do this.”

• “You’re not good enough.”

• “Who do you think you are to set up a social enterprise?”

• “You failed in business before. Why would this time be different?”

Looking back, what strikes me is this: none of these beliefs were about the organisation. They were all aimed at me as a person.

Not What is different about this business?

But What makes you think you are different?

That’s the nature of self-limiting beliefs - they hit identity, not logic.

Getting Curious, Not Critical

Instead of pushing these thoughts down, I started asking questions:

• Whose voice is this really?

• Where did it come from – childhood, old patterns, past failures?

• What is it trying to protect me from: failure, success, visibility, attention?

Because the truth is this: I've already done the thing that voice said I couldn’t.

Stand Tall CIC exists.I’ve talked about it publicly.I’ve presented it at events with One Vision, SSAFA, and Never Throw In The Towel. People are asking to get involved.I’m preparing to apply for initial funding and planning the first events for early next year.

The fear didn’t stop the work, but noticing it helped me understand it.

Why Men Shrink When They Step Into Something Bigger

Many of us in the UK were raised to be self-deprecating. It’s framed as humility, an antidote to arrogance. But over time, that conditioning can quietly become an antidote to self-belief too.

Not only that, but when men step into leadership, purpose, visibility, or change, those early messages get louder.

At the Men’s Mental Fitness Summit, Benjamin Owen explored why men need “impossible goals” for psychological wellbeing. When he challenged us to name ours, I sat with Neil Smith and Sunny Leung and committed to set up Stand Tall CIC and apply for Lottery funding before the end of the year.

I even said it aloud in front of the room.

That was vulnerability.That was courage.

Yet still, days later, the self-limiting beliefs returned. Old habits die hard.

What I Know Now

I can do this – and I am doing it - when I stay rooted in my values and in the mission behind Stand Tall CIC.

I’m learning that self-limiting beliefs don’t disappear, but they lose power when we name them, challenge them, and move anyway. Each step forward proves to my nervous system:

• I can do this.

• I’m allowed to do this.

• I’m worthy of doing this.

That evidence matters more than any reassurance from outside.

What I’m Taking Forward

By writing about this and talking about it openly, I give myself a better chance of responding differently next time doubt shows up. Maybe those beliefs will still whisper, but perhaps they won’t make me quite so small.

So, if you’re reading this and it hits home, maybe take a moment to ask yourself:

• What self-limiting belief still keeps me small – and

• what might change if I stopped letting it run the show?