Standing Tall Under Pressure: What Burnout Is Really Telling You

Burnout is one of the most common issues men struggle with - yet one of the least talked about. Whether you’re a high performer, a business owner, a leader, a dad, or simply someone who carries a lot for others, the signs of burnout in men often go unnoticed until things reach breaking point.

Last week, at the Future Men International Men’s Day event at QPR, I delivered a workshop on Standing Tall Under Pressure - Strategies for Avoiding Burnout and Overload. It hit closer to home than I expected. While delivering the session, I could see my own habits reflected back at me.

Over the last month alone, I’ve delivered two conference presentations, launched Stand Tall Empower CIC, and then come straight back into four full-on days supervising at Kendal Mountain Festival. For someone with perfectionist tendencies, that’s a lot - and my body let me know.

How Burnout Shows Up for Men

Burnout rarely begins with collapse. It builds quietly and slowly, especially for men who pride themselves on coping, pushing through, and keeping things together.

For me, it looks like this:

• Working late

• Sleeping less

• Forgetting to eat

• Dropping the gym

• Stopping the things I know help

Underneath it all is that familiar inner message many men recognise:'

You’re not trying hard enough. Keep going.'

Talking to the men present at that workshop - hearing their experiences - reminded me just how widespread burnout is. High-functioning, decent men who look 'fine' from the outside are often carrying intense levels of stress beneath the surface.

This blog is a reworked version of that presentation - written for anyone who wants to understand the real signs of burnout in men, what’s happening in the nervous system, and how to start recovering.

Burnout Is Not a Weakness - It’s a Signal

One of the biggest myths about burnout is that it represents failure, fragility, or a lack of resilience. In reality:

Burnout is your nervous system saying: 'You are overloaded. Something must change.'

Here are three truths to keep in mind:

1. Burnout is slow-burn, not sudden.

2. Your nervous system carries the load before your calendar does.

3. Life is not an endurance race.

If you treat it like one, collapse becomes inevitable.

There are well-established academic models of burnout (Freudenberger & North’s 12 stages and Maslach’s 3 Dimensions), but most men recognise a simpler five-stage pattern. Below is the reframed version I use with clients - focused on the body, the nervous system, and real-world behaviours.

The 5 Stages of Burnout in Men - Reframed

Stage 1: Running Hot

'I’m fine. Just busy.'

Body: Light sleep, racing thoughts, tight muscles, wired at night.

Behaviour: Saying yes to everything, working late, skipping breaks.

Many men unknowingly train their nervous system to see 'flat out' as the new normal.

Stage 2: Fraying At The Edges

'I just need to push through.'

Body: Headaches, jaw tension, gut issues, more colds.

Behaviour: Irritability, forgetfulness, snapping at small things, endless caffeine.

This is the body raising its voice. Most men turn the volume up elsewhere instead.

Stage 3: Numb - On Autopilot

'I don’t feel anything. I’m just getting through.'

Body: Emotional flatness, waking up exhausted, difficulty feeling joy.

Behaviour: Disconnection from hobbies and partners, using food, alcohol, screens or work to numb.

From the outside you may still look 'functional'. Inside, everything feels hollow.

Stage 3.5: Warning Lights On

'Something’s wrong, but I can’t stop.'

Body: Chest tightness, brain fog, palpitations, frequent illness.

Behaviour: Oscillating between overdrive and avoidance, cynicism, emotional withdrawal.

This is the edge where change is possible - but denial is powerful.

Stage 4: Burnout / Collapse

'I can’t do this anymore.'

Body: Profound fatigue, difficulty concentrating, anxiety or depressive symptoms.

Behaviour: Time off work, withdrawal, shame, questioning identity or worth.

This is not failure. It’s what happens when an overloaded system hits its limits.

Stage 5: Habitual Burnout

'How has this happened again?'

Body: Chronic exhaustion and emotional depletion.

Behaviour: Repeated cycles of stress, guilt, shame and self-criticism.

Recovery is rarely a straight line. Self-compassion is a vital part of resilience.

Burnout Is a Nervous System Issue - Not a Moral One

Men are often taught to 'push through' and perform. But your nervous system isn’t interested in status or self-image. It works in survival patterns:

• Stages 1-2: Fight / Flight

• Stage 3: Freeze / Numbing

• Stages 4-5: Shut down / Collapse

Understanding this allows men to work with their body rather than against it.Even elite endurance athletes don’t run at maximum pace every day.

How to Rebalance - The Five Basics

Think of your nervous system as the engine, and your life as the vehicle it’s trying to drive. Dr Rangan Chatterjee talks about five basic areas that help us stay balanced:

1. Work: hours, headspace, pressure

2. Family: partner, children, caring roles

3. Friendships: places you can be honest

4. Health: sleep, food, movement, medical needs

5. Passions: activities that are yours alone

Many men put most of their energy into only one or two of these areas. The others run on fumes - and the body eventually lets us know.

Take a moment to ask yourself:

• Which two areas take most of your energy?

• Which are running on empty?

• Where might the imbalance be building pressure?

Practical Ways to Reset Body, Mind and Soul

If you want to prevent burnout - or recover from it - you must manage energy, not just time.

Resting the Body

• Take 3-5 minute movement breaks between tasks

• Go for a screen-free walk at lunchtime

• Use slow exhales and shoulder rolls to release tension

These aren’t luxuries - they’re pit stops. No F1 team skips the pit stop to save time.

Resting the Mind

• Try 60-90 seconds of single-task focus

• Use a Pomodoro timer to break work into manageable chunks

• Practise a 4-6 breathing reset

• Separate thinking time from scrolling time

Small shifts create space for clarity.

Resting the Soul

• Ask yourself once per day: 'What am I really feeling right now?'

• Be 10% more honest with someone you trust

• Note down three small moments of joy or glimmers

These practices signal safety and calm to the nervous system.

Surviving vs Thriving

Most men I work with are excellent survivors - holding it all together and pushing on. But surviving is not the same as living.

Burnout strips away purpose, pleasure and connection. Recovery isn’t about doing less, but doing what matters differently.

Here are three questions to reflect on:

• Where are you currently just surviving?

• What would thriving look like in one small area of your life this month?

• What is one boundary, one conversation or one reset you can try this week?

You don’t have to wait until collapse forces the change. You’re allowed to slow down, rebalance, and choose a way of living that helps you stand tall under pressure - not be crushed by it.

If Burnout Feels Familiar, You’re Not Alone

If these stages resonate, or you recognise yourself in the signs of burnout in men described above, support is available. Reaching out is not a sign of weakness - it’s often the moment you finally begin listening to what your body has been trying to tell you.

If you'd like to explore Walk and Talk Therapy or Online Therapy, as therapeutic support for burnout, or the issues that lie beneath, feel free to get in touch.

You don’t have to push through this. There’s another way forward.