Procrastination Isn’t Laziness - It’s a SignaL
- Stephen
- Oct 5
- 4 min read
What It Really Means for Men’s Mental Health
‘You fear going in - so in you must go’ - Brené Brown: ‘Strong Ground’
I’ve been putting off writing this newsletter all day. I’m sat at the kitchen table on Sunday morning before heading to the Lake for a swim, wondering why I didn’t finish and upload it last night. Yesterday I came up with text and designs for leaflets. I made banana bread, checked emails that didn’t need checking, and even ‘found’ time to watch a period drama. I also avoided things I know are good for me, like the next module of a Breathwork course I’ve been doing for months. It’s not that I didn’t want to do them; some part of me was holding back. When I finally lay down to do an extended breathwork session, I fell asleep.
That resistance is familiar - not just for me, but for many of the men I work with.
Procrastination is often framed as a motivation problem. In my experience, it’s usually something deeper. It isn’t laziness. It’s the body saying: slow down - something about this feels uncomfortable. Sometimes it’s fear of failure. Sometimes it’s perfectionism. Sometimes it’s try critical inner voice whispering that I won’t live up to my own expectations.
Why men get stuck
I’m not alone in these thoughts - it’s a theme in our Men’s Groups and 1:1 work. Many men have learned to link performance with worth. So when a task has high stakes or lacks clarity, the internalised, unspoken voice becomes defeatist: ‘If I don’t start, I can’t fail.’ The avoidance brings short-term relief, and the brain learns to repeat it. The longer it goes on, the heavier it feels. Delay → guilt → self-criticism → more stress → more delay. It’s an uncomfortable spiral.
Common triggers I recognise in myself and other men:
Perfectionism: If it can’t be done perfectly, it doesn’t get started.
Where next: The task is really a project in disguise.
Hidden or suppressed emotion: Grief, anger, or fear lies underneath the task(s).
Exhaustion: Tired bodies procrastinate because everything feels like an uphill battle.
Isolation: Doing it alone removes momentum and accountability.
None of this is a character flaw - it’s a state. Change the state and behaviour follows.
The body-first reset
As men, we tend to jump to tactics. But if your body is on high alert, your brain will avoid anything that smells like threat. A five-minute ground and reset can change your perspective, so try the following:
Move first. A short walk or exercise tells the body it’s safe and moving forward.
Breathe out longer than you breathe in. Breathe in through the nose: 4 in, 6 out for two minutes. It steadies the nervous system and makes it easier to think clearly.
Look to the horizon: Softening your gaze outdoors reduces tunnel vision and helps your nervous system settle.
Once the body is relaxed; the mind is more open.
Make progress smaller than your resistance
Willpower helps, but it’s finite. Shrink the task until it’s easier to start than to avoid.
Name the next step. Not ‘write the article’, but ‘write three key points.”
Use the five-minute rule. Commit to five honest minutes. If momentum comes, keep going. If not, you still win.
Define ‘good enough’. Aim for 70 per cent on a first pass. Refinement can come later.
Remove friction you can’t see
We think procrastination is about motivation. Often it’s about friction.
Clarity beats courage: Write tomorrow’s first step before you finish today.
When-then plans: ‘When it’s 9.30, then I’ll start the introduction’.
Short sprints, clear breaks: 25 minutes on, 5 minutes off. Repeat twice. Avoid pushing through - stopping on time builds self-trust.
Talk to yourself like someone you rate
The harsh voice doesn’t make you faster. It just makes the task heavier.
Name your truth: ‘I’m avoiding because I’m worried it won’t be good enough’ or even ‘I’m worried I’m not good enough’.
Connect it to values: ‘Finishing this matters because it aligns with my integrity and supports the people I care about’.
Count visible wins: Small steps build momentum - and belief.
The impact on mental wellbeing
Procrastination isn’t a minor productivity issue - it’s a signal. When we delay the things that matter, we chip away at confidence, purpose, and connection. Over time that can show up as anxiety, burnout, or self-criticism. The answer isn’t to push harder, but to work with your nervous system, increase connection and build kind, consistent habits.
A simple plan to try this week
Choose one lingering task.
Body-first reset for five minutes: Walk, breathe, horizon.
Write the next step and set a when-then for today.
Work for five minutes. If momentum comes, great. If not, it still counts.
Tell one person what you did. Connection keeps it alive.
If procrastination runs deeper
Sometimes procrastination is tangled with burnout, anxiety, or old experiences that make certain tasks feel blocked. If that’s you, you may be carrying more than a to-do list. Talking it through can help unhook the meaning from the action so starting becomes lighter and finishing becomes satisfying rather than draining.
If you recognise yourself in this, you’re not alone. Procrastination often hides what really needs our attention - fear, fatigue, or the weight of expectations.
If you’d like to explore what’s sitting underneath, I offer Walk & Talk Therapy across Cumbria and the Yorkshire Dales, as well as online sessions.
You can get in touch below to start the conversation. It’s not about pushing harder - it’s about finding steady ground again.
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