“I Should Have Known Better”: When the Nervous System Takes Over

"I should have known better." That was the thought that hit me once I’d begun to settle.

I talk about trauma. I support clients to reconnect with themselves and practise grounding.

But despite everything I know, when I received some unexpected news last week, it completely threw me. My nervous system flipped into panic mode. My body reacted, my breath shortened, and my thoughts scattered. Meanwhile, the old coping patterns I thought I had moved beyond came right back to the surface.

What struck me most wasn’t just the physical reaction - it was how quickly I judged myself for it.

Many men know this feeling. Something knocks us sideways, and before we’ve even caught our breath, the inner critic jumps in:

• "You should be over this by now."

• "Get on with it - you’re overreacting."

• "What’s wrong with you?"

The truth is, our nervous systems don’t respond to what we know. They respond to what we feel. And when old wounds are reopened, the body does what it’s always done to survive.

So this week, I’m not writing about the situation itself. I’m writing about my response to it - and what it’s teaching me. I hope this reflection opens the door to more conversations rooted in recognition, not judgement.

Q: What happened in my body at that moment?

It was a familiar trauma response. First, I felt my gut clench. Then my breath became shallow and rapid. My limbs went cold and heavy. My heart pounded. I held my breath. And then came a wave of numbness - not calm, but disconnection.

I couldn’t think straight. Even simple decisions felt impossible. The grounding tools I often talk about? Nowhere in sight. I could name what was happening, but I couldn’t stop it.

That’s the thing: understanding doesn’t override biology. My nervous system was in a state of threat, and it did exactly what it was wired to do.

Q: Why does my nervous system react so strongly when there’s no physical danger?

Because it responds to perception, not just facts.

When something in the present reminds our system of past pain - a loss of control, shame, or shock - the alarm bells go off. Mine did.

Physiologically, the vagus nerve gets triggered. Adrenaline surges. Heart rate increases. Blood flow shifts away from rational decision-making and into survival mode.

In that moment, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was reacting to protect myself.

Q: Why do old trauma patterns resurface?

Because we’ve rehearsed them for decades… and they worked - once.

When we’ve lived through unsafe or overwhelming experiences, we adapt. We learn to shut down, withdraw, avoid, or over-function. Those patterns helped us cope.

So when something stirs up that old sense of threat, our nervous system quickly falls back into those familiar responses. It’s not failure - it’s survival.

Q: What helped me return to regulation?

I have to be honest here - it wasn’t easy. Negative thought spirals led to thinking the worst, and over the course of the week I went back there multiple times.

The turning point, though, was dropping the judgement.

Telling myself I shouldn’t be reacting this way only pushed me further into shame. So I had to pause, acknowledge what I was feeling, and start being kind to myself - stop beating myself up.

From there, it was small, physical steps:

• Deepening my breath, especially into the belly - recognising where I was holding the tension and breathing into that space

• Extending my Qi Gong practice - especially around protecting and strengthening my heart-space

• Heading outside and getting into nature helped to ground me and feel present:

  • Walking in the fells and noticing the glimmers - the awe of natural beauty

  • Wading into waterfalls - watching the movement of the water over the rocks and feeling the cool water against my limbs

  • Climbing trees - feeling closeted by the branches

• Speaking to people who could meet me without judgement and offer sage advice when I asked for it

It wasn’t instant. But gradually, I felt the ground under my feet again.

Q: How can we protect ourselves and build resilience?

It begins with awareness - and gentleness.

You don’t need to be perfect. You need to be prepared. That means:

• Recognising the signs of dysregulation in yourself

• Practising grounding when you're calm so it's easier to access when you're not

• Building support systems before crisis hits

• Meeting your reactions with compassion, not criticism

Resilience doesn’t mean you’re never shaken. It means you know how to come back to centre.

Final thought

This week reminded me of my panic responses when I’m under pressure. I didn’t eat well. I didn’t practise Qi Gong. I buried emotions just to get through the day. I didn’t feel like I was thriving - I was just surviving.

But talking to trusted people helped. Listening to advice (when I asked for it) helped. Recognising my impulse to react before thinking helped.

And writing this helps. It’s helped me process what’s happened. The situation that triggered me? Still unresolved. But I’m starting to come back to myself.

I’ve returned to my breath - deepening it, slowing it. I’ve taken time to walk the fells again, to stand in cold water, to climb a tree and feel held. I’ve expanded my Qi Gong practice and focused on protecting the part of me that felt exposed.

These aren’t grand solutions. But they’ve brought me back to centre.

And so can you.

If you’ve been knocked off balance recently - if your nervous system has gone into high alert - you’re not broken. You’re human. And you can find your way back.

So next time, instead of asking, "Why am I like this?" try asking:

"What do I need right now to feel safe again?"

That’s where real strength begins.

If this resonated with you, feel free to reply or share your own experience. If you want more honest and grounded reflections like this, subscribe to my Substack newsletter.

And if you’re exploring how to build more regulation and resilience in your life, you’re not alone. If you want to work through this with me, get in touch.