Looking Beyond the Headlines: Why We Need to Talk About Suicide - Especially with Boys and Men

Every September, World Suicide Prevention Day brings a wave of headlines, statistics, and soundbites. The chances are that you’ve read the same line: three out of four suicides are men. It’s a shocking figure - and it matters - but I worry that it’s also become a shortcut. A statistic repeated so often that it risks numbing us to the reality behind it. Numbers alone don’t change lives. Stories, connection, and deeper understanding do.

Beyond the Numbers: Male Suicide in the UK

Male suicide is not the result of a single moment or a single cause. Research, including the work of Dr Susie Bennett at the University of Glasgow’s Suicide Research Lab, shows that it’s more often the end of a pathway. That pathway is built over time through isolation, self-criticism, a sense of being a burden, and an overwhelming desire for the pain to end. and a belief that showing pain makes you weak. The '3 out of 4' headline tells us who is dying, but not why.

Why Male Suicide Is So Complicated

There is no single explanation. Factors might include pressures at school or work, family difficulties, mental health struggles, online influences, or a combination of these or other challenges. For some, the internet can provide connection and even life-saving support; whilst for others, it can create new risks – from harmful content to AI-driven searches that offer answers without the human care that’s needed in such fragile moments.

When we talk about boys and men, we also have to acknowledge the subtle, often hidden pressures that accumulate. Sometimes this involves gendered expectations - the idea that strength, stoicism, or independence are the only acceptable ways to show up in the world. However, that’s only part of the story. Each man or boy carries his own history, vulnerabilities, and circumstances. Over-simplifying the issue by blaming ‘masculinity’ alone risks overlooking those very personal realities.

The hidden role of self-criticism

It’s not just about stigma or social pressure. Bennett’s research has highlighted something many men will recognise: the destructive power of self-criticism. Men who hold themselves to impossibly high standards - at work, in relationships, or simply in how they 'should' cope - often view asking for help as failure. Their inner voice can carry messages like: sort it out yourself, don’t burden others, don’t show weakness or let people down. Left unchallenged, that voice can become lethal.

This is why so many men who die by suicide never reach out to services. It isn’t because they don’t suffer. It’s because they’ve learned to carry suffering alone.

Signs of Suicide We Often Miss

Recognising subtle changes in men

Looking beyond the headlines also means widening our awareness. Suicide doesn’t always look like a man openly talking about wanting to die. Sometimes it looks more like anger, withdrawal, or silence. Sometimes it looks like overworking, risk-taking, or perfectionism. It may look like nothing at all until the final act. That’s why the quality of our everyday connections matters so deeply.

What to look for in teenagers

For teenagers especially, the signals can be even harder to read. Changes in sleep; sudden disengagement from activities, or unusual online behaviour may be dismissed as ‘just a phase’. But they can be early signs of distress. That doesn’t mean every change is a red flag - but it does mean we need to stay curious, keep communication open, and avoid assuming we know what’s really going on.

What Can We Do to Prevent Suicide?

So what does this mean for us - as parents, partners, colleagues, or friends?

• For parents and teachers: Pay attention to how boys are ‘taught’ about emotions. It’s not only what you say, but what you model. If boys consistently see vulnerability, they’ll believe it’s safe to show their own and recognise that it’s okay to ask for help. 

• For friends and partners: Take changes seriously. Withdrawal, irritability, or sudden quietness can be signs of distress, so don’t be afraid to show that you’ve noticed and check in. Then check in again. If you feel something in your gut is off, ask directly. Research shows that asking ‘Have you been thinking of taking your life?’ does not put the idea in someone’s head. Instead, it can offer relief and open the door to honest conversation.

• For boys and men: Suicidal thoughts don’t mean weakness. They are often signals that the pain has become unbearable - and that connection, not isolation, is the path forward. Reach out and let someone know you’re struggling. You might not have the words yet, and that’s fine. Even a simple “I’m not okay” can be enough to start the conversation.

From headline to conversation

If we stop at the headline statistics, we risk distancing ourselves. I get it - it’s a protection mechanism: that’s about men out there, not the men in my life. The truth is, suicide touches sons, fathers, brothers, and mates. It’s not an abstract statistic. It’s personal.

That means prevention also has to be personal. It has to live in conversations over coffee, in check-ins with friends, in moments when we’re brave enough to say: I’ve noticed you don’t seem yourself - how are you, really?

This article alone isn’t going to change the tide on male suicide. But every conversation chips away at the silence that holds so many men back. Looking beyond the headlines means remembering that men don’t need more statistics. They need to be seen, heard, and reminded that life is worth holding onto - even in the darkest moments.

If you’re concerned about male suicide or men’s mental health in the UK, don't forget:. Conversations save lives.

If this article has touched you and you want to talk. Please reach out. But also, comment and share. The greater the reach, the more we have the chance to save lives.

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