"I’m Just Drifting…”

Why So Many Men Feel Misaligned with the Lives They’re Living

“I feel like I’m just drifting…”

It’s something I’m hearing more and more from the men I work with - especially younger men in their 20s, 30s, but increasingly with men in their 40s.

At first, it shows up as something else: 

• Stress at work. 

• A strained relationship. 

• A general feeling of being stuck or burnt out.

  
  

On the outside, everything might seem fine. But as soon as you dig a little deeper, there’s a different kind of pain:

“It’s like I’m not really living… just existing.”

This is often the real issue hiding underneath the surface - a quiet kind of misalignment. There’s a sense of being disconnected from who they are, or the life they hoped they’d be living by now - and it’s more common than you might expect.

What Does It Mean to Be Drifting?

We often associate struggle with chaos or crisis, but some of the most difficult experiences are much less easy to spot. Drifting isn’t dramatic. It’s a slow slide away from purpose, connection, and vitality.

It’s what happens when life becomes a checklist:

• Get the job

• Buy the house

• Settle down

• Keep pushing through

But somewhere along the way, the why gets lost.

Instead of feeling engaged and alive, you feel like a spectator in your own life. You're going through the motions, but you’re not in it.

Image by Chandler Media from Unsplash

Often, that disconnection shows up in subtle ways:

• Fatigue that doesn’t lift

• Snapping at loved ones

• Feeling resentful or numb

• Losing motivation for things you used to enjoy

• A gut sense that something isn’t right

There’s no shame in this.

We all adapt to survive. We follow paths we think we should take. We say yes when we want to say no. We learn to suppress our needs to avoid conflict or cope with pressure.

Yet over time, something inside starts to protest.

The Power of a Simple Question

One of the most powerful turning points I’ve witnessed in therapy often comes from one deceptively simple question:

“What would it feel like to live more in line with your values?”

• Not what it would look like.

• Not what you think you should want.

• But what it would actually feel like to live in a way that’s aligned who you really are.

When I ask this, there’s usually a long pause. Sometimes there are tears. For many men, this question hasn’t been asked before - not by others, and not by themselves.

But when the answers come, they’re incredibly powerful:

• “I’d feel more grounded - like I’m not constantly running.”

• “I’d be proud of the way I show up - as a partner, a dad, a mate.”

• “I’d spend more time outdoors, not stuck at a desk.”

• “I’d feel free to be me - not who others expect me to be.”

It’s not always about huge life changes.Sometimes it is - a new job, a move, a big decision.But more often, it starts small: shifting your priorities; setting boundaries; reclaiming time for the things that matter.

Reconnection Doesn’t Happen Overnight

Many of the men I walk with - whether literally in nature or metaphorically online - have never had space to explore these questions.

They’ve been too busy coping, providing, holding it all together and doing what’s expected.

But when they pause long enough to get curious, something begins to change.

They realise they’ve abandoned parts of themselves:

• The creative part

• The playful part

• The passionate part

• The part that used to dream

Slowly, though, those parts start to return.

Reconnection doesn’t come through analysis. It comes through awareness. Through action. Through choosing, rather than drifting.

Sometimes that looks like:

• Saying no

• Making space for time outdoors

• Having deeper, more honest conversations

• Choosing rest instead of ploughing through

• Asking for help instead of struggling alone

But the common thread is always this:

Living with more intention; more alignment; more honesty.

If You’re Drifting Right Now…

You’re not broken - and you’re not alone.

A lot of men find themselves in this place, and it’s not weakness that brings them to therapy. It’s a confident inner strength that says, something needs to change.

You don’t have to overhaul your whole life overnight, but you can start by asking:

• What really matters to me - right now?

• What have I been tolerating that I no longer want to carry?

• What would it feel like to live more in line with my values - even just a little?

You might be surprised what starts to surface.

Often, the first step toward a more aligned life… is simply remembering who you are underneath it all.

Want support in finding your way back?

If you’ve been drifting for a while, and you’re ready to reconnect with a life that feels more like yours - that’s part of the work I do with men. No pressure. No judgment. Just honest support. We walk at your pace - with clarity, direction, and a sense of what matters most.

Learn more about my approach here

Or reach out for a no-obligation chat to see if working together feels right.

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