the problem with boys?

Lessons from Research, Practice, and the Limits of Adolescence

Once again, the acclaim around Adolescence has been hard to miss. Critics have hailed it as ‘ground-breaking', politicians want it shown in schools, and its sweep at the Emmys confirms the hype. Yet, as someone who has worked with boys and men for decades, I find myself feeling distinctly uneasy. The series has quickly become a cultural touchstone for how we think about adolescent masculinity, online harms, and the so-called 'incel threat.' Yet, having looked at the headlines again this week, I’m left with a feeling that the media response - and the show itself - risks reinforcing fear-based narratives that don’t align with what we see on the ground and what the research actually shows.

Incels in Reality: Harm Turned Inward

Adolescence dramatises the story of a white teenage boy who fatally stabs a female classmate, with incel ideology portrayed as a key influence. It’s a gripping premise, but the reality of knife crime in the UK is much more nuanced and largely an issue affecting adult men.

Additionally, UK Government-funded research, shows that:

• Only around 5% of self-identified incels say violence against others is 'often' justified. The vast majority reject outward violence. In reality, incel violence is extremely rare and incels make up just 1.2% of Prevent referrals demonstrating their relatively low risk of radicalisation.

• Self-harm and suicidality are far more common. Language on incel forums is saturated with talk of 'roping' and despair. Incels are at much greater risk of depression, loneliness, and suicidal ideation - with one in five contemplating suicide every day over a period of two weeks and a third saying that they thought about suicide more frequently than this.

In other words, the dominant risk is inward, not outward. Yet the cultural uptake of Adolescence risks reinforcing the impression that boys engaging with incel culture are violent threats, when in reality they are more often boys in deep pain, turning that pain against themselves.

Beyond Incels: The Algorithmic Pull of the Manosphere

These reflections have also been shaped by my time at the Boys' Impact Conference in Manchester last week. Hearing directly from experts and practitioners brought these issues into sharp relief and focusing on incels alone also misses a wider, more pressing issue: the influence of mainstream manosphere figures amplified by social media algorithms.

Prof. Debbie Ging presented the shocking findings of the Recommending Toxicity research, showing just how quickly algorithms funnel boys into masculinist and anti-feminist content and that once engaged, the volume of such content increased rapidly. They believe that mainstream neo-masculinist influencers - such as Andrew Tate - are arguably more harmful than fringe incel forums, because their content reaches millions.

Image by Adrian Swancar on Unsplash

These influencers promote pseudo-scientific claims rooted in evolutionary psychology to argue that men and women are 'hard-wired' to experience emotion differently. Their rhetoric dismisses depression as laziness, denies the reality of mental illness, and frames therapy as weakness. Tate famously quipped: 'If you are the kind of person who feels like they need therapy … you’re useless.'

This is beyond offensive - it's dangerous. Emotional repression and lack of supportive friendships are known to be key drivers of depression and suicide among men, yet the manosphere normalises repression, ridicules vulnerability, and recasts suffering as weakness. What’s more, the study shows that even searching for 'mental health' content can funnel boys straight into this worldview.

The risk here goes beyond the the rare incel extremist, to the mainstream influencers whose reach makes harmful messages about masculinity feel normal.

From Fiction to Framework: What the Boys’ Impact Report Has to Add

Also at the conference, Dr Alex Blower and Dr Jon Rainford unpacked the Boys’ Impact Report: The Problem with Boys, highlighting how urgently schools need guidance and training to talk about masculinity in ways that build boys up rather than shut them down.

So, if Adolescence is to be used in schools - as politicians and media figures have proposed - it cannot be left to stand alone.

The Report sets out what’s really needed:

• National guidance and accredited CPD to equip educators with the confidence and skills to discuss masculinity, online culture, and boys’ wellbeing.

• School leaders providing robust training for staff, rooted in relational and strengths-based approaches rather than stereotypes or fear.

• Conversations about masculinity approached with curiosity, not condemnation - covering not just misogyny and social media, but also mental health, emotional expression, friendships, and the transition to adulthood.

Without this, the risk is that a show like Adolescence becomes a blunt instrument: teachers may avoid the subject entirely or, worse, amplify shame and defensiveness among boys. What boys need instead is skilled facilitation, grounded in evidence, empathy, and openness.

The conference also made clear that while dramas like Adolescence capture headlines, there is already incredible, evidence-based work happening on the ground. I was inspired by stories of practical work making a difference: Richard Pomfrett’s 'Boyz 2 Men' programme, the #LostBoysTaskforce from Football Beyond Borders, and the powerful readings from Wild East by Ashley Hickson-Lovence 

The challenge is to ensure that these initiatives, grounded in compassion and connection, are amplified and supported - rather than overshadowed by spectacle.

Beyond Panic, Toward Support

If we are serious about boys’ wellbeing, we need to move past fear-based framings. That means:

• Recognising the inward risk: boys in pain, more likely to harm themselves than others.

• Confronting the algorithmic pull of mainstream influencers who distort men’s mental health.

• Equipping educators and schools with CPD, guidance, and relational approaches.

• Widening the conversation to include mental health, emotional expression, friendship, and the challenges of growing up.

• Learning from grassroots practice, amplifying the kind of initiatives showcased at the Boys' Impact Conference that already meet boys with empathy and creativity.

High profile TV dramas can spark debate, but debate without depth risks deepening stigma. The boys I see don’t need more panic about what they might become. They need space to be seen, to be heard, and to discover healthier ways of being men.

If this article strikes a chord, please share it with your network and join the conversation in the comments. Together we can challenge stereotypes and open up healthier narratives