Is There Such a Thing as a Good Addiction?

Understanding the Difference Between Passion and Compulsion

Q: A client asked me this week, “Is there such a thing as a good addiction?” How would you answer that?

A: It’s a powerful question - and one that gets to the core of how we think about human behaviour. Most of us are familiar with the idea of ‘bad addictions’ - as applied to the likes of alcohol, gambling, porn and drugs - but when the word 'addiction' gets attached to exercise, work, or even healthy eating, it raises a real challenge! So, is it possible for addiction to be good?

Q: What exactly is addiction?

A: Definitions vary, but I’m drawn to the way Dr Gabor Maté describes it in In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts. He says that addiction is any behaviour that a person finds temporary relief or pleasure in, craves, cannot give up despite negative consequences, and which ultimately takes away from their freedom. Based on that definition, addiction isn’t about what the behaviour looks like from the outside - it’s about the relationship you have with it.

Gabor Maté also makes it clear that addiction is not the problem itself, but an attempt to solve one. All addictions, whether to drugs or to behaviours, are coping strategies for pain, trauma, or unmet needs - a disconnection in order to escape distress. It’s a way of coping with pain, stress, or disconnection. This perspective matters because it shifts addiction away from being a moral failing and towards being an understandable human response.

Q: Why does that matter?

A: It matters because how we see addiction shapes how we respond to it - both for ourselves and others. If we see addiction as a moral weakness, we lean towards judgement, shame, or punishment. Yet if we see it as an attempt to cope with pain, it invites us to respond with compassion, curiosity, and support.

This shift matters not just in therapy, but in everyday conversations. It helps us move away from asking, “What’s wrong with you?” and towards, “What happened to you?” (Which is also the title of a really good book on trauma, healing and resilience by Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey). Importantly though, that ‘small’ change can open the door to honesty, healing, and healthier ways of coping.

It also matters because it reminds us that recovery isn’t about willpower alone. It’s about connection, safety, and finding better strategies for dealing with life’s challenges. When we understand addiction as a response to pain, we stop seeing people as the problem and start seeing their suffering - and their potential for change.

Q: So how do we move from coping through addiction to coping in healthier ways?

A: The first step is awareness: recognising when a behaviour is no longer serving you, even if it once did; as well as recognising what that behaviour is masking. From there, it’s about building alternative strategies that address the underlying pain or stress rather than just numbing it.

That might mean finding safe ways to connect with others; spending more time in nature, or developing balanced daily practices like exercise, creativity, or breathwork that ground you without taking over your life. For some, it also means reaching out for professional support - not because they’re weak, but because healing often needs the presence of another person (or persons) who can listen without judgement.

The goal isn’t to strip life of intensity or passion. It’s to create habits and commitments that give you freedom, rather than behaviours that take it away.

Q: How is that different from passion or commitment?

A: The key difference is choice and impact. Passions give life meaning. They’re things you want to do - activities that energise, connect, and support your growth. Addictions, on the other hand, are things you have to do - even when part of you knows it’s costing you health, relationships, or peace of mind. Passion expands your world; addiction narrows it.

Photo by Gilly Photography

Q: Can something healthy become addictive?

A: Yes, and this is where the idea of a 'good addiction' can feel tempting. Exercise is a great example. Done in balance, it lowers stress, builds resilience, and improves mental health. However, when it becomes compulsive - when someone trains through injury, misses social connections, or feels anxious at the thought of stopping - the same behaviour that once supported well-being starts to undermine it.

The same can happen with work, healthy eating, even practices like meditation. It’s not the behaviour itself that makes it addictive - it’s the compulsion behind it and the costs it creates.

Q: So is there ever such a thing as a 'good addiction'?

A: If we take Maté’s definition seriously, the answer is no - because addiction always involves a loss of freedom and a degree of harm. What we can have are healthy habits, meaningful practices, and even obsessions that enrich life. The difference is that these leave room for flexibility. You can choose to step away without panic. You can miss a day without your world collapsing. They support your well-being rather than undermine it.

Q: How can I tell the difference in my own life?

A: Here are few questions worth reflecting on:

• If I stopped this tomorrow, what would I lose - and what would I gain?

• Does this add something to my life, or take things away from it?

• Do I feel I have the freedom to choose, or does this behaviour feel like it takes control?

If you find that the behaviour feels less like a choice and more like a compulsion, that’s your red flag.

Q: What’s the takeaway here?

A: Addiction is never 'good' - because at its core, it’s an attempt to soothe pain that ends up creating more of it. However, there are good passions, healthy routines, and supportive practices that bring structure, connection, and strength to our lives. The line between the two isn’t always clear, but paying attention to freedom, flexibility, and impact can help you know where you stand.

💬 Over to you: Have you ever found yourself reflecting on whether a habit had tipped into something more - or do you need to?

If this strikes a chord, you’re not on your own. I work with men outdoors in Cumbria and the Yorkshire Dales, and work online to explore the difference between habits that help us stand tall - and those that quietly erode our freedom. Sometimes all it takes is a conversation to start to find the balance again.

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